Not grandpa

Grandma passed away on a Tuesday.  I guess it's fitting that grandpa should too.  Dad called this morning to tell me that grandpa was in the hospital.  They'd taken him there last night and didn't think he'd last through the night.  His heart was barely beating.  But somehow he did.  And dad called me first thing this morning.  I wish he'd called me in the middle of the night.  I'd have left right then.  Since dad didn't have a medical update from the doctor, I called the hospital myself (sometimes I take matter in my own hands rather than waiting for the chain- Jared calls it ram-rod-y and sometimes it gets me in trouble).  I spoke to his nurse who was glad to hear from some family.  So I was glad I'd called.  At first she said she couldn't talk to me about his care (privacy laws and all), but then I explained that I was his nearest (geographically) relative and beloved granddaughter.  I could hear her ask if it was alright with him if she talked about his medical care to me and in the back ground I could hear grandpa saying, "goodness yes," in his 'why are you asking such a silly question' grandpa voice.  She explained that he was dying, but didn't know how long he would be.  She said that it could be a few hours to a day or two.  Just that his heart was slowly winding down and grandpa had asked for no life saving measures to be taken. She also said that he was in and out of coherence. Then she let me talk to him after she explained things. He was practically whispering, but surprisingly perky.  He recognized me right away and told me how much he'd loved me.  I choked out a few "I love you's" between sobs.  I told him I'd be there as soon as I could.  But it wasn't soon enough.  By the time I'd found someone to watch all the kids and packed up the baby and picked up Jared from work (because I really didn't think I could do this trip alone) he was already gone.  We were almost to Kokomo when dad (who was at the airport on his way here trying to get here before he died) called and said he'd just passed away.  I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive myself that he died all alone today.  I should've been there.  Not a hospital room full of nice hospital staff.